Raised in the Kitchen cookbook giveaway graphic

Raised in the Kitchen is available now!

Healthy Habits That Help Me!

I Choose to Hurt

I could hear her hollering my name and I’ve been trying to be more mindful about what I’m feeling so I acknowledged to myself that my heart and hands were tightening just by hearing her tone of voice.
I was already feeling annoyed.

She’s been struggling a bit this year with talking about things without all the drama, tantrums and sass or whining.
It’s hard on me. I don’t like the feeling of being talked to like that, and so my mind took over before my heart could.

a photo of a mom standing behind her young daughter with her arms wrapped around her and the daughter looking up her mom.

Bad Hair Day

She was walking to school with her Cindy Lou who hair ready for grinch day when kids started pointing and laughing. A man in truck went by and turned his head laughing as she walked. She rushed to the bathroom at school and sure enough, the hair had fallen away from the cup inside and she was a walking plastic cup on her head. 😭
Tears were flowing now but her tone wasn’t sad, it was annoyed and upset and that included at me without saying it directly. And had it been another day I might have been annoyed, “talk to me different!”

I Felt the Pain

But then it happened.

Suddenly, involuntarily my knees gave out and I sat with an arm out stretched. She literally crawled up into my lap and cried and this is when the real miracle happened.

I did not feel the sadness of a mother watching her child hurt.

I somehow relived the very feelings of hurt as a child. I cannot even explain it but it was real. I FELT the pain again of childhood. The loneliness, the embarrassment, the judgments.


And in that moment I knew it was soooo worth going through.

If you were sat down and told, one day someone will greatly hurt, but if you’re willing I’ll allow you to hurt first so that in that moment you can sit and cry with them, you’re the only one that will be able to, would you?

Or if you’d rather not hurt, that’s ok, but know that they will have to suffer alone, without any moments with someone who can ease their pain even for a moment.

I Choose to Hurt

If ever I have a chance, no matter who you are, I choose to hurt so you won’t have to as bad. I’ll be there. I choose to hurt so I can one day succor.

Did you know to succor means to run? Run to help.

I like that.

I’ll hurt first so I understand then run to you. ❤️

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Oh, Sweet Basil on Instagram

Want more of our family, recipes, and all our shenanigans?

Check us out on Instagram and be sure to tag us @ohsweetbasil #ohsweetbasil for a chance to be featured!

Healthy Habits That Help Me!

About the authors

carrian feik cheney oh sweet basil

Cade and Carrian have three children and love to spend time together whether it’s vacationing or snuggled up on the couch for a good movie.

And this family especially loves to eat.

They love everything from the keep you fit and healthy to the get out your sweat pants indulgent and everything in between.

But most of all, they love the memories made, shared and treasured and it’s all thanks to a meal shared together with loved ones.

Leave a comment


  • This is such a beautiful story. I was looking through your recipes & saw the title. Initially out of curiosity more than anything, I started reading it. It brought me to tears. Many parents would’ve continued with the initial annoyance & made her more miserable rather than understanding & sharing her pain. As adults we often forget the painful experiences of our own childhoods. How fortunate your children are to have you.

    • Reply
    • Awwww thank you so much Carol! I try so hard to put myself in their shoes and remember what it was like as a child. Thank you for taking time to leave a comment!

      • Reply

Healthy Habits That Help Me!