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Fighting for Faith in the Darkness Part 29

When life became more than I could take, When the waves were crashing and my soul was breaking like a ship tossed in the sea, I could reach out and feel His hand grasping mine, “Don’t let go.”

A photo of Cade and I.

I would never have stood holding this baby, if I had not reached out to Him.

Our faith is not keeping us from sinking. Our faith is greatest when we feel there is no hope, no safety, no chance of being saved. When we sink far below the water and are about to be lost, that’s faith.

Faith is not willing blessings and miracles to light.

Faith is when, like Peter we lose it all and yet still say, “Lord, save me!” No, maybe he didn’t walk on the water, and maybe I wasn’t able to call down healing in the 9 months I suffered through hyperemesis gravidarum.

I wanted to.

I tried. Oh how I tried. With desperation of soul, “save me!! Heal me!! I know thou canst do all things! Help thou mine unbelief!”

But I did find His hand. And while I was left with my lips barely grazing the tops of the waves, sometimes gasping for air, I held on.

I let my mind picture His hand in mine.

And then I’d finally look up and see that He’d been holding on the whole time, I felt those tear-filled eyes knowing my very pain. His eyes wet with tears as He held me knowing that my legs, my arms, my very lungs would become stronger because of the fight, the struggle to keep myself afloat.

He knew.
He felt.
He waited.

And though at times I was drowning, my face no longer above the water He held on still. Because PERFECT faith is never needed. He reached out to pull me up again each time I failed because He was born to.

Peter was rescued when his faith was FAILING. When he was sinking.

Don’t let go.

Even when you think you can’t wake up one more day. When you think the house or job won’t come. When the baby isn’t this perfect rainbow you expected. When your heart physically hurts from the pain you’re enduring.

Don’t let go.

All He needs is for you to look up.
He will reach out and do the rest.

One day your greatest desire will be in your hands. And your fight will be won.

A photo of me taken from overhead holding our new baby boy.

I cannot even believe I’m saying this, but the only reason we are here, you are here is because we suffered.

After Cade and I shared our story, totally impromptu with everyone we were invited into a woman named Chrislyn’s office. We were just making the rounds meeting people.

I mean, we felt the privilege for sure, she was the boss lady of Time Out For Women and that’s something I had heard gobs about. But that’s it, it had nothing to do with us.

She made us both cry two steps into her office.

I may never forgive her.

But I’ll work on that. 😜

No really, she was incredible and immediately asked us to sign her advanced copy of our cookbook she’d been given.

We had no idea it would make us stand there, words caught in our throats as the tears flowed.

Cade and I looked at each other, both totally overcome and chuckled a little.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so embarrassed” I said. “I didn’t know it would make us cry, but this is the first time we’ve ever signed our own book and it feels a bit like the end of pain as we step into the light we’ve been searching for.”

And from that moment on Chrislyn has been more than a new friend, she’s been family.

That meeting is what began a journey that would mean EVERYTHING to us.

We were invited to be on a 2 year Tour as speakers with Time Out For Women and listen here, it is the absolute answer to my childhood prayers and unsaid desires of both our hearts.

If we had never suffered we would never have been invited to bless and fulfill promises of old to seek out the weak and weary in this special way.

Remember, as a little girl all I wanted was to be enlisted, to help in the rescue of others.

Our cookbook, our speaking tour, our Instagram that while it may look like a food blog is really a place of connection and love WITH all of you.

Be watching, you all comment to lift one another as much as we do. What are the chances people all over the world could find and lift each other here?

You’re fulfilling the desires of our hearts.

The pain was worth it. It was necessary.

Now we can Better see you and love you in your pain.

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About the authors

carrian feik cheney oh sweet basil

Cade and Carrian have three children and love to spend time together whether it’s vacationing or snuggled up on the couch for a good movie.

And this family especially loves to eat.

They love everything from the keep you fit and healthy to the get out your sweat pants indulgent and everything in between.

But most of all, they love the memories made, shared and treasured and it’s all thanks to a meal shared together with loved ones.

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  • I just finished reading your story and my goodness, you are incredible. I came across your story because I was interested in learning if you got your house that you mentioned in your Come Follow Me Daily post. Your post on that story touched me and I am so thankful for the verses in Isaiah that you shared about waiting on the Lord. Thank you for sharing your testimony in such a beautiful raw way. I have been wondering how I can share more openly my own testimony. I don’t have the answer yet but have decided that I need to focus my prayers more on how I can be a light to others. I am also so glad I decided to read your story because a cousin is right in the beginning stages of a HG pregnancy and I had never heard of it before. I now have much much more compassion for her. And hope I can help ease her burden in some way. Thank you.

    • Reply
    • Hi Vanessa! Thank you so much for your kind words and support! I know that God will inspire you to know how to be the light that you want to be and that you will be such a blessing as He uses you has an instrument in His hands. The fact that your heart is willing is the best first step!
      My prayers are with your cousin! The road of HG is such a long and lonely road but it is so worth it to bring these sweet spirits to earth! Thank you again for your support and for taking time to leave a comment! Xoxo!

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  • Thank you so much for sharing your story(ies) with us.
    May God always bless you and your wonderful family and may His Light be upon you today and always!
    Sending big hugs and blessings your way, all the way from Greece.💙💙

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    • Oh my heart! Thank you so much! God bless you and your family as well! Xoxo!

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  • It is difficult to describe how much your story impacted me as I read through it today. You guys are such an incredible example of fighting the good fight. We are going through our own Gethsemane right now, and so much of what you wrote about the desperation and anguish you experienced, it was as if I was reading my own journal. I, too, have cried to Heavenly Father to save me when I couldn’t take any more pain, when my heart felt it would burst from sorrow and hurt. Reading about how you refused to give into anger and depression has given me a renewed determination to do the same, to look for the good each day and not focus on the pain. What we are going through is the result of total, stupefying injustice and it would be easy to let it sink me into bitterness, but I am determined to let it refine me instead, to make me more able to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort. I’m nowhere near refined yet, but I trust in my Savior’s ability to keep holding my hand, to keep rescuing me when I break and think that nothing can ever be good again. I really can’t put into words how much I needed to read your story, so this is my long-winded way of saying thank you for being vulnerable and sharing the most tender feelings of your heart. You are absolutely fulfilling your childhood dreams of lifting those around you. Keep up your amazing work.

    • Reply
    • Oh, Kelsey. Don’t you ever have those moments where you wish you could fly to someone and just wrap your arms around their neck? Thank you for sharing your story. You are so incredible to be able to feel His love through this post. I absolutely knew that I was to write it, but the whole time I did I could not shake the feeling that it was because God wanted to wrap His arms around individuals with my words. I am sitting here with tears streaming at your goodness, at His, and my goodness at the reality that our two worlds have collided in such a beautiful way. We may never meet, we may never have connected, yet here we are, both with the same heart. You are amazing. You have one of those souls that I am always wanting to pull in close and surround myself with people who just want to love and do good and are just trying our very best. Love and all the hugs from me to you. xoxo

      • Reply
      • Oh you are the sweetest. I think it’s so amazing how you take time to reply to each comment on your blog and your Instagram feed. You have such a big heart and even though I think we’re the same age, I want to be like you when I grow up. 😂 I just want you to know I have thought about your story frequently since reading it, and it helps me to keep going and keep fighting to hold onto light and goodness during a difficult time. So thankful for the technology that has, as you put it, allowed our little worlds to collide!

      • Haha, I am probably older but I’ll take it. Thank you so much and I’m so glad it mattered in this big World Wide Web.

  • Thank you so very much for your testimony and story! My husband and I have been praying about having children soon and I have been so afraid of having a baby for the very reasons you have experienced. I am a nurse and I watch people go through hyperemesis gravidarum and it is one of my worst nightmares to risk going through that. Even vomiting once is something I fear and hate. I have considered adoption just to avoid it altogether even though I know I may never experience what you have gone through. Your blog posts have given me the comfort and reassurance I have needed and that God knew I needed. Thank you so much for being who you are and sharing what you have been through. The Lord has such an amazing way of helping us in such personal ways. You were an answer to the prayer in my heart today. Thank you.

    • Reply
    • Oh friend, I could feel your incredible, tender heart in every word of that. I can only imagine what you’ve seen as a nurse and the heartache you must carry for some of your patients. I remember watching something about a divorce lawyer who is happily married and choosing to believe in the very thing he helps people destroy every day. I imagine it’s similar in a way. However, maybe you’ve been placed in such a position just like him as an opportunity to be sanctified. Many enter marriage or pregnancy without much thought but you will need an increase of faith and should you hold on tight to Him it will strengthen something in you that will bring you closer to Him and your spouse and what more could you want? I’m learning so much about that lately, that to be sanctified hurts and stretches but one day we will say, oh yeah, I wanted this specific thing because I knew it was my only chance to become who I wanted so badly to be on earth. You’re so there. My goodness, your words were so raw and true and you clearly have incredible desire within you. I can’t wait to have you reach out in the future and tell me how this has ended up changing you forever in the best way. I believe in you and I know He does too. Best of luck. The best luck in the world to you. Xoxo

      • Reply
  • Thank you for sharing your story. I had morning sickness for 8 months with each of my 5 pregnancies. I can’t even imagine what you went thru. I’m so grateful for your stories of faith and your trust in the Lord. We lost a job (in the afternoon, we had closed on our 1st home in the morning). It is a time I remember every detail and experience and prayer and miracle. Thank you for reminding us to use love and comfort to those who are struggling and angry. Oh, love your recipes. My husband thanks you too.. I actually cook more (I’m old) and he is living it. ❤️

    • Reply
    • Thank you so much for your support Linda and for sharing a piece of your story with us! I’ve come to learn that we never know what people are truly going through or suffering, so it’s better if we just love and assume the best about people. Thank you for loving our recipes too! Xoxo!

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  • Very interesting blog and really thanks for sharing this blog with us.

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    • Thank you!

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  • Thanks for sharing your own thinking with us. I am very happy to see this blog.

    • Reply
    • Thank you for the support!

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      • I’ve enjoyed reading your story, you are really an inspiration to me, thank you for putting it all out there. I wish your family much happiness.

      • Thank you so much Patty! The love and support from friends like you make every vulnerability we feel in sharing our story worth it! Xoxo!

  • Thank you for your kindness and willingness to share. I am one of many who read, looking for a diversion from disappointment or pain. But what this series did was help me face both and feel that I will rise and become the best I can be through it.

    • Reply
    • Thank you so much and bless your heart! You got this no matter what it is! You will come out on the other side stronger and closer to your Savior! I know that with a certainty!

      • Reply
  • I’ve said it before and I’ll shout it from the rooftops… you guys are incredible and I am so in awe of you both! You speak about reaching out all over the world and that’s what you’ve done… finding a South African, living it Italy, inspired by 2 strangers in America!

    • Reply
    • Ahhhhhhh…thank you so much Emma! You have seriously made my whole day! We always wonder if these posts are helping anyone. Maybe they are just helping me by writing them. But then we get comments like this and we know we have been inspired to share our story. Thank you again! Xoxo!

      • Reply

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