Fighting For Faith in the Darkness Part 4

A photo of Cade and Carrian

 

For the full story, please read all our previous posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

I knew that Cade was worried about me suffering again. Hyperemesis gravidarum is hard on the people caring for the person and not just the one surviving it. It is a heavy burden to carry for all. I didn’t want him to have to suffer and carry so much and Cade didn’t want that for me either.

And I knew the risks. I knew that it almost always gets worse every time and that I had already been in the 70s in my weight with the last and had to fight hard to survive. I knew we’d already had to face conversations about be willing to end a pregnancy to save my life so chances were high enough that this pregnancy could in fact take my life.

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But I’ll tell you what, when we knelt down in that dark room, I felt this absolute peace that was NOT still and quiet at all. It rushed through me, empowered me, and I knew I was totally at peace with the possibility that I might not make it. I don’t know why, I don’t know how to explain it at all. I did not have any feelings of reassurance that I would survive, but I did feel reassured that I could do this, even if it meant I was lost and Cade and the kids would somehow be ok.

I know, it sounds crazy to say that. But I know what I felt and could not deny the clarity of mind.

Soon enough I’ll share the full story, the miracle I witnessed that night. But for now we moved forward. We contacted our doctor and began a plan to prepare for the worse.

I began a weight gain program to give me a buffer for when I started to lose weight from vomiting all day and night. A heavy workout plan simultaneously to make my body as strong as it could be to withstand starvation. We prayed and prayed. We made freezer meals for Cade and the girls and I sucked down allllll the vitamins.

FACT 👏🏻 did you know you store vitamins? Unlike food which is used and gone, vitamins are stored and used as needed which is why prenatals should be started before you get pregnant.
❤️

Now remember how we hadn’t found a house yet and I was packing?
Hyperemesis Gravidarum – It’s Not Morning Sickness

Part 5 coming soon…

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Carrian Cheney

Lover of all things beautiful, good and delicious. Wife, mother, friend, foodie.

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4 comments on “Fighting For Faith in the Darkness Part 4”

  1. I had all 4 of my babies when I was on active duty in the Army ( at my ages 33, 35, 37, and 43! years…) And only because of drugs and surgery and charts and taking temperatures, and waiting when we felt that holy feeling of intimacy and forcing ourselves when we didn’t and so much prayer, and guilt and anguish and the feeling that I had deprived my husband of something we both wanted so much…..

    Had to fight the “that’s why women don’t belong”, “you’re a handicap to the unit” and “why don’t you just quit and stay home?”

    I felt called to what I did professionally, and loved every minute of it…… and never understood when male officers could have children but female officers couldn’t…

    And now I understand from your story why I was so sick, and miserable, and lost weight, and just wanted to quit and roll up in a little ball and stay there with my heaving stomach and raw throat and pleading with God for a healthy day because I was so worried that my body was a failure and my precious and so-much wanted baby would be harmed because of my inadequacy….and I had four healthy boys after all, and it was so worth it .

    Nobody ever told me that what I had was a real medical condition which endangered both of us.

    • Thank you so much Roberta! Thank you for sharing your heart and your story. It is scary how unknown HG is and how unaware everyone is. I’m so glad you followed your heart! God bless you and your family! Xoxo!

  2. PRAYING FOR COMPLETE HEALING!!

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