I’ve never heard more terrifying or sad screams and cries. They are burned into my heart.

I’ve never been through this before. I don’t exactly know what to do.

Our four year old has become absolutely terrified of the dark this year. If you could hear what happens if he awakes in the dark, like when the fires hit our neighborhood, knocking out power and thus his lamp went dark, oh how your momma and daddy hearts would break.

What can a mother do?

A photo of a young boy sitting on the counter looking at his toes.

Light Always Remains

I am here to protect him and help him overcome such anxieties, but how does one teach that although it may seem that the light is gone and things are scary, in fact the light always remains, protection is in the safety of the home and the parents who are right there, always watching over him?

It will take time, and specifically it will take daily practice and trust.

Sharing Light

I’ve experienced darkness as well; a storm unlike any other removed all power and water as we were on a well for many days when I was younger.

It is and forever will be burned into my mind the image of family members lighting each others candles and placing batteries in flashlights as we lived only by light which we had to gather and ignite on our own.

You never fully recognize or are grateful for light until it is taken from you.

And it might be scary.

It certainly is quiet.

Darkness Bring Silence

Have you ever noticed that? Darkness brings silence?

But is it silent?

He feels suddenly, utterly alone when the darkness comes, but especially right now we are teaching him how to find the light, it’s already instruction he knows but has forgotten.

And I’d like to share it with you too. 

 

I had a rough week two weeks ago. I just felt down and quiet. I felt this sadness that life might not ever go back to normal. Instead there would be a “new norm” as my friend says.

One night I quietly walked past the family watching a movie and snuck out the back door.

I needed to be alone.

Actually, I needed to be alone with someone else because I couldn’t shake my heavy heart.

A photo of a young boy staring out the window.

Something was Coming

To tell this story we have to go back a bit. No, not a few days or hours but almost two years now.

Almost two years ago I started to feel this feeling. I’ve had inklings about things for 15 years but this was all getting real.

The same word.

One word.

SOON

It would rise up over and over and it has continued for two years. Something was coming and it got really loud this winter.

I still feel unsettled even today but two weeks ago I was thinking about the darkness and uncertainty a lot.

Cade is feeling something too. “Unsettled” is his word.

Receiving Direction

Last year members of my church had received flat out direction to help us prepare for a meeting in 6 months and I poured over it all, loving and growing in ways that were UNREAL.

And now it’s so quiet.

And, “soon” has changed a little but it’s still there. This feeling of changes that I’ve always known were coming, that I was prepared before for it. But it’s still a weird feeling.

Add on the world right now and I’ve been wondering why it’s been so quiet.

But it’s not.

I just wasn’t listening well enough.

Hear Him

The same message is being repeated and has been since April. I listened to three talks from April this morning which filled me with peace and direction.

“HEAR HIM”

First we are given light and direction. Then, just as 18 yr olds headed off to college our parents say, come on, I showed you the pattern and the way, now you must do it on your own. “HEAR HIM”