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Connecting Our Feelings and Behavior

It’s not even 8 am but already it’s been a rough morning. I have to sit down for a moment to write this, breathing it all in because I think I knew it was coming.

A few days ago I found an old note she had written to Cade. Let me read it to you.

Dear Dad,
I am very sorry. It’s just, when I’m bored I get mad or sad and I was mad and should never have over reacted like I did. So I hope you will forgive me. I love you lots! Hope you have a good day. I read my scriptures!

Love, Claire bear.
Ps, I’m trying to be happy now.

a photo of a mom with her young daughter

The Wisdom of a Young Girl

It’s sitting here on my lap as I type to you. She’s always been a letter writer, this isn’t anything new, but I just couldn’t throw it away, something was stirring in me and I just have not been able to stop thinking about her words.

What made a 10 year old recognize the connection between boredom and anger/sadness? What made her realize it and write this note?

What if each of us, no matter our age started putting words and feelings to our actions?

What if we started being mindful of how we feel and why? What would change?

Connecting our Feelings and Behavior

All year I happen to have been working on this very thing. I stress, I take on more than I should, I say yes when I sometimes should say no, I get exhausted and hungry, and all those things lead to my voice and attitude being short, sharp and hurried. I’ve been trying so hard to stop and feel the power of stillness, think about what I’m feeling and man, it’s been changing my life!!

Ornery at the kids, and suddenly I’m finding myself thinking, wait, Carrian you’re just stressed and it’s not even over what matters most- they are, so readjust. And on and on.

Reading her words stilled me. This is real, Carrian you need to be more in touch with your feelings and behavior. Yes, even how your physical is affecting your mental.

Figuring Out Our Hearts and Heads


So I’ve been pondering over this so much, when she lost it this morning. I mean, crying and yelling in a total state of crazy because she wanted a ride to school even though she was right on time to walk. And poor Cade didn’t know what to do w/her, but I do. And it’s the secret….

Do you remember the story of the elephant and the pole and the mother and the corner? I’ll share them below.

Yes, she had a rough morning but she’s actually a quick to say sorry, quick to give hugs and so, so smart. She has this focus on becoming a nurse one day and seems to gather knowledge like I gather wrinkles, quickly and increasingly deeper.
But Claire reminded me this morning that our job in life is to figure out our hearts and heads far more importantly than figuring out careers.

What’s a Corner?

I once read a story of a mother who kept telling her little boy, don’t go past the corner!!!

And then he did.

Over and over again he wouldn’t listen and as the mother became so frustrated he finally said, mom, what’s a corner?

🤯

First they must be taught before they can choose the right behavior.

And 10, almost 11 in case you haven’t hit it yet is the age of independence without ability.

The Elephant and the Pole

So the elephant tied to a pole will struggle and struggle, trying to break free until she realizes the pole is staying put and there’s no point in fighting. Once her chain is removed the elephant will not fight her masters anymore because she has learned stillness.

Be the pole. The pole doesn’t yell or hurt, it doesn’t demean, it is just safe and peaceful. It’s still. It stays put until the elephant joins it in being still.

Teaching Children What to Do with Their Feelings


Oh how I wish I had better understood my emotions as a young girl. Oh how I wish I had better understood as a young mom that my job is to remain peaceful and they will join me in my peace.

AND MOST OF ALL!!

Oh how I wish I had better understood that kids have to be taught what they’re feeling and what to do with those feelings.

Claire was so angry this morning. But what I said to Cade was, “hey, she needs to be taught what’s going on, she doesn’t understand. She’s actually feeling stress about being late so she’s acting out. Hold her. Hold her until she melts and reassure her that she’s in charge of time and she will be just fine. Smile so she smiles. Relax so she relaxes. Joining her in the anxious and frustration will feed it, so tune her into your frequency.”

And I’m going to work on it too. It’s not just her. Cade and I need to be more mindful of what we are feeling and why. And that’s ok.

Life is a journey and I’m willing to keep walking and trying. ❤️❤️

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Secrets to Cooking on a Smoker like a Pro!

About the authors

carrian feik cheney oh sweet basil

Cade and Carrian have three children and love to spend time together whether it’s vacationing or snuggled up on the couch for a good movie.

And this family especially loves to eat.

They love everything from the keep you fit and healthy to the get out your sweat pants indulgent and everything in between.

But most of all, they love the memories made, shared and treasured and it’s all thanks to a meal shared together with loved ones.

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Secrets to Cooking on a Smoker like a Pro!