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Fighting for Faith in the Darkness Part 11

For the full story, please read all our previous posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

A photo of my arm with an IV in it.

Leaving the hospital always made me feel legit crazy. I’ve sat down three times to write this post but my heart is pounding out of my chest.

It’s been 3 years but writing it all out is making me relive it so much.

Which is fine, you have to talk, you have to be vulnerable. Yes, it means you lose followers and likes, my gosh we’ve lost hundreds just since I started sharing our story again.

It’s ok.

We’ve never been in this game for the fame, it’s always been about sharing, sharing food, sharing love, sharing light.

But I’m distracted.

Or nervous.

Both.

You see, I couldn’t wait to break out of the hospital. To say that it’s lonely and you feel more broken and worse as a momma is an understatement. Up all night with insomnia, nurses constantly in and out to check vitals and take blood every dang day, and come every time you go to the bathroom to check the dang pee cap in the toilet, I mean you feel lower than low.

I appreciate nurses, you know I do, but it is hard. My arms aches from IVs and were black and blue from them finding new spots each time a vein collapsed and was unusable.

Oh but to go home…

Home is where the nightmare begins.

Home is where you aren’t hooked up to survival anymore. Home brings noise and smells of food, busy children and people stopping by. Home is where you take a nose dive and get sicker than sick. Scared to stay and scared to go home. I had no idea about anxiety and how it is a literal, physical feeling until I was admitted and sent home over and over again.

But home is also where Cade was. Oh if only you could know Cade.

And I want to tell you, I will tell you, but I didn’t expect to be so overcome with emotion. Tonight my heart keeps me from my story.

Continue reading in Part 12

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About the authors

Cheney Family

Cade and Carrian have three children and love to spend time together whether it’s vacationing or snuggled up on the couch for a good movie.

And this family especially loves to eat.

They love everything from the keep you fit and healthy to the get out your sweat pants indulgent and everything in between.

But most of all, they love the memories made, shared and treasured and it’s all thanks to a meal shared together with loved ones.

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4 comments

  • I am in the middle of reading your story and I am absolutely riveted to your journey. I know I am witnessing a miracle and although it is excruciating to wait for the next installment, it is a moment of light when I see a new post! Thank you for sharing your faith and your emotional and physical roller coaster. I am sending many prayers coming your way. You are so blessed to recognize the angels in your life, even when you are feeling at your lowest. I can only hope that if I were dealing with something so extreme, I would have any part of the grace you have shown. I deeply believe that He is holding you in the palm of His hand. Your faith is so inspiring and alive!

    • Reply
    • Thank you so much Virginia! It is messages like this that encourage us to keep sharing and keep putting ourselves out there. This story is our story from about 4 years ago now, so we are all healthy and great now! We appreciate your support more than you know! Xoxo!

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  • Any readers that leave you because of this story are readers you don’t want or need! It takes a certain kind of courage to share your story! I was lucky to have 3 healthy “no fuss” pregnancies and my heart goes out to you!

    • Reply
    • Thank you so much Emma! We appreciate your support immensely!

      • Reply

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