😭😭 I dreamed he drowned.

Do you ever have a dream that you FEEL, even when you wake up it’s still hanging in your soul.

The Dream

I was out an about somewhere when I looked down and he wasn’t with me. In the back of my mind I just knew it would be the pool but there were people and shoppers all around and I just so badly didn’t want to look and know he was there so first I scanned the crowd, but it was like someone shoved me to “look now!!!!!” And sure enough, there he was at the bottom of the pool and two people were pulling him up.

I reached out to help and then began immediate CPR, my heart pounding with every pump of his chest.

My hands felt big and awkward on his tiny chest and I’d watch it rise and fall each time I sealed his mouth to breath life into him.

But nothing.

Over and over again my heart being torn from me with every failed round.

And then he was just there, lying on the cold ground, eyes staring up at heaven.

It was the worst.

a photo of a young blue eyed boy sitting on a couch with his stuffed toy fox

So Much Loss Lately

Maybe death has been on my mind, a grandma gone, an uncle gone, my dad’s stroke this week and my cute nieces lost their best friend who drowned in Oregon. Just a young girl!!

I heard another celebrity passed away too.

Maybe it’s on my mind. Maybe I am emotionally exhausted.

Time is Precious

I for sure will be reviewing CPR with the kids, playing more games and holding them tighter even if the dream wasn’t real. I just feel time is so precious and don’t want to live chasing things, time and errands, checklists (I am so against list making anyway), and bad attitudes.

Living the Heck Out of Life

I just want to look back one day and to be able to say exactly what my friend in her 80s says, “I’ve lived, actually lived, and whenever God takes me, I’ll be ready because I didn’t waste moments and spent all the love daily, but until He does I’m going to keep living the heck out of life.”