Barely visible were the imprints of soles and the reality that someone has been there.
Maybe they are actually right here with me.
One morning I went on a run in Rexburg, Idaho.
But as I was huffing and puffing up my last hill I turned the corner at the temple, my knees aching and legs burning 🥵, but most of all I have had such a heavy heart.
Conversations with God
While running I have these conversations in my mind with Heavenly Father, and as I turned the corner I was pleading to give me the faith and strength needed during these dark times.
If we are to go through this then please, at least let it continue to change me for the better.
I glanced down, feeling like I was too spent to continue when I noticed that barely visible were the imprints of soles and the reality that someone has been there.
Those Who Came Before Me
I watched more closely and there were multiple imprints. Soles who were actually souls. Those who had come before me.
I felt in a moment a folding of heaven and earth, even a folding of time. Many have passed before me and faced challenges I cannot even imagine enduring.
The ancestors I have that almost died at Haun’s mill massacre, when for being nothing other than members of a church (Mormons as many called them) men rode into town murdering men, women and children. My great-great grandma gathering her children and escaping.
The ancestors who buried babies and had bloody, shoeless feet as they made the trek to Salt Lake City after an extermination order was placed on “Mormons”.
Angels Among Us
Many don’t know the history of the church I belong to but for many it’s also our family history and the suffering, it was unreal.
But those people are not gone. Their suffering was for something. It was so that we could be here. And we believe that though in, our family is very invested in the posterity here on earth. That we can draw upon their stories and faith for our strength and even pray that they might influence, strengthen and help us even from heaven.
I don’t know how to be a mom or woman or human being during hard trials like this, but maybe those who have passed before me are walking with me.
Angels have not left us. They are pulling for us even now. Even when we are lost.
I don’t remember ever getting lost as a child, but my little one thought she was lost at Smith’s grocery store once.
She was standing in the aisle and couldn’t see where I was, standing at the end watching her.
I had asked her to follow me a few times but she was lost in her own thoughts and didn’t see me walk away.
She turned into a mess of panic and tears and it absolutely broke my heart.
Lessons to Learn
I didn’t want to, but I wanted her to learn some important lessons about staying close to me, calling out for me, and that I never would actually leave her, even when she couldn’t see me.
And it wasn’t easy. My heart was palpitating just to know what she was feeling. I wanted to rescue her.
I just gently said her name.
This sweet girl, when she was only 4 years old absolutely ran to me.
That’s all it took, her reaching out and me whispering the response so she’d still have to use everything she’d been given to look for and come to me.
And we embraced in the tightest hug, the-get-on-your-knees-and-just-hold-them-close-kind-of-hug.
Come Follow Me
I think we miss how many times someone beckons to us to “come follow me”.
We dilly dally (who made that phrase up?) here and there, busy ourselves with this and that.
And then the silence hits us. Suddenly we feel so alone and look everywhere, painfully aware that yes, we really are alone!
Claire could remember me, she didn’t doubt my existence, but she felt lost, scared and maybe even abandoned.
Sometimes the clouds cover our day, but the sun absolutely never leaves. We just have to discover how we feel it and see it on days the world looks and even sounds different.
Have you ever been lost or lost a child?